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Living with your Aol Part 2 Written by: Dan Daily
Hi Gang! Last week, if you remember, we went over a lot of the AOL preference screens. Today we'll finish it, and talk about "chain mail." Chain Mail is out of control, so I thought I'd send a parody out for the masses to read. It's funny, but it also points out how easily people are duped. Every one in there; I have received at least 100 times. Please, please, don't send chain mail. It's actually against the rules of AOL. First! The rest of the settings. .
Personal Filing Cabinet Preferences
Issue Warning about the PFC if file size reaches ___ Megs. .I believe the default is 10 megs. Which is fine. If your PFC goes past 10 megs. You should know about it. The PFC is in Ram memory, so you want to keep it as small as possible. . Issue warning about the PFC, if free space reaches ___ percent. The default here is 35. Leave it set there. What it's telling you, is that your PFC is fragged more that 35%, like your hard drive, you should keep you PFC packed tight. This saves AOL time looking it up and loading it. Saving Time = Speed. . The last two boxes are a matter of preference: I don't have mine set to confirm for single items deleted, but I do have it set to confirm multiple deletes. The single delete reminder drives me crazy. That's all.
.Passwords (Must be signed on) Putting your password in this box; and checking either the sign on column, or the PFC column; If you check the sign on column, AOL will automatically give your password on sign on, saving you the time to have to type it in. In the PFC column, it locks down your PFC, so no one else can get into it without the password. I view these as issues concerning children. If you have children at home, and they are old enough to run your AOL, you might not want them to have access to your account screen name, nor your PFC files. Other than that, don't use a password for your PFC, (it's a real hassle) and let AOL automatically sign you in. Time saved = Speed, and you know how I feel about speed.
Spelling This category is pretty much up to you. How far do you want AOL to go, when it checks your e-mail. I have mine do pretty much the whole gambit, but not all. Experiment with it. What drives you crazy and is not really important, don't let it check. .The rest are pretty much self explanatory, until we get to
Marketing (Must be online) This used to be a one click affair. No longer. If you have popups; advertising on your AOL, you need to visit this place. You didn't get a "free" computer, you pay for this service, you don't have to look at ads. Go through these screens one by one, and tell them "NO!" for every entry. When you get to the end, you will no longer get popups. No don't go back to check it. Every time you go to this screen, AOL thinks your are reconfiguring your choices and the defaults are always yes. Just do it once. BUT! You have to do this every year. Your settings are only good for one year. How will you know when your year is up? Simple, you'll start getting the popups again. LOL
.Associations This is simply a screen that asks if you want AOL to be your default Internet connection. If you only run AOL, it already is. If you have other IP's, then you have to decide if you want AOL to be default or not. The only answer it gives you to check is yes. What does default mean? Well say you click on an update button on a program, but you're not online: Aol will automatically popup, sign on, and go to the proper site. Default means; it's Aol that will do this. Not, say Earthlink. Get the Picture? So if you don't want it to be the default, and it isn't, click cancel.
.Privacy (Must be online) This screen is most useful. Does a family member have you on their buddy list? Every time they see you online, do they drive you crazy? This is the same setup screen as is in your buddy list setup. You can block them from seeing you online from here. GO FOR IT!!! LOL I certainly do! .OK, that's it for the AOL preferences. If any of you have questions, email me. I try to write this stuff in as easy English as I know how. And from the many letters I've received, I'm doing a pretty good job. I just received an email from someone who actually talked his mother-in-law through the procedures of restoring a lost PFC. GOOD GOING!!! That's why I'm here! .
. No, It's not a hoax! I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC). Anyway, one day this poor guy went to sleep, when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over, when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. Like the rat in the Kentucky Fried Chicken wasn't enough. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the Crew!" Like the rat in his Kentucky Fried Chicken, and having his kidney stolen wasn't enough. He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer, who was working on software to prevent a global disaster; in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidney, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave a hacker full access to the phone line at this poor guy's expense. Like the rat in the Kentucky Fried Chicken, having his kidney stolen, and a computer virus, wasn't enough. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle, around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital -- the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is? You remember, the kid whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail? Where the American Cancer Society and some anonymous billionaire agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives? I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck, but for 10 people only, you will only have OK luck, and if you send it to fewer than 10 people, you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). Do it! Don't mess with it man. So anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital but he was running low on gas because it was Tuesday and he was punishing his local service station as part of the GREAT GAS OUT II, by waiting until Thursday to fill his tank. Like the rat in his Kentucky Fried Chicken, getting his kidney stolen, having a computer virus, being ripped off at the telephone booth, and being stabbed with a needle infected with aids, isn't enough. Forget about getting the Teddy Bear for the kid dying of cancer. On the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. (talk about a bad f*cking day!!!) Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms and a little man will dance the Macarena on your computer screen - if you don't, you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the US government will put a tax on your e-mails forever. Or, The rat in your Kentucky Fried Chicken, getting your kidney stolen, having a computer virus, being ripped off at the telephone booth, and being stabbed with a needle infected with aids, The Great Gas Out II, and being shot as part of a gang initiation won't be enough. Don't mess with it man... Wow, the net is a dangerous place. I knew I should have never ever bought this cursed computer... I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet!
I hope this helps you on your road. Your Road? Yes, Your Road To Computer Sanity Danny
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