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Danny's
Daily's
--- Flash! ---
Bush Fails To Prevent East Coast Blizzard
Minorities Hit Hardest
As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, Bush's
approval ratings dropped faster then the snow; as it
continued to pile up on the many poor and African American victims who
could not afford to get out of town, or to the safety of New Orleans.
Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn and dark rum; so
essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm, lay in
warehouses
undelivered.
“Where is the government? I need
my sidewalk shoveled so I can get out to buy my damn lottery tickets!”
said one D.C. resident from his living room. “Why are we wasting
money in Iraq when we could be spending it here on me?”
Move-on dot org blogs blasted the President
for his inaction. “We find the timing terribly suspicious; just as
the Domestic Spying Hearings kick into high gear, what happens? A
major northeast Blizzard. How convenient, why now?” wrote blogger
xx.
Asked to comment; Jesse Jackson said
the snowstorm was another white conspiracy to kill the black man. "Aren't
they getting bold?" he asked, "That's three times this year alone! Just
look at the snow, it's white! What more do you need to see?"
Louis Farrakhan held a press conference and followed up Jackson's remarks with; "This
is just another attempt to down trod the African American. It's
not just white snow,
it's white supremacist
snow! Dropped by
white supremacists!"
Calls to John F
Kennedy airport to see if their radar reported any black helicopters
seeding clouds, remain suspiciously silent and unanswered.
Mayor Ray
Nagin
of New Orleans called for a
million man march on Washington. He sent the whole black
population of New Orleans to the march. But, no blacks are
presently in New Orleans so no one showed up. This wasn't
realized until the still dripping 400 empty school buses showed up in DC.
Hearings into the Blizzards’ effects
are almost a certainty; now that Cindy Sheehan's frozen stiff body was
found across the street from the White House with a "Bush is Worse then
Adolf Hitler" picket sign still frozen to her hands. They put
her in the box that way!
Speaking of being in a box;
Click the Picture
-- I wouldn't mind being in that box! LOL
--
The New York
Times is starting an investigation as to why Sheehan wasn't arrested as she
was before. "The Dean," Helen Thomas speculated she might have
purposely not been arrested. "Women have the right to be arrested
like anyone else, this brings indecency, immorality, and hate for women
by Republicans to a new low," she said.
Howard Dean says he will call for
an investigation once his new medications kick in and John Kerry took a
break from the sporting activities of the glamorous super-rich in some
exotic locale (random choice: Ice Sailing in Finland) to call for new
legislation outlawing snowstorms.
His secretary is working
some serious overtime.
Yes, the Republican Congress has dropped
the ball once again.
Senate Majority Leader Frist was
quoted as saying "I have always been a staunch supporter of anti-snow
legislation, except for certain locations where I ski. Snow has no
business on our roads and the President and Congress damn well knows
that.”
Calls for impeachment
on both sides, over “Snow
Gate,” are mounting as deeply as the
snow itself.
What will be discovered underneath will prove to have
a truly chilling effect on the Republicans as CNN reports up to 20,000
residents might be trapped below.
"The carnage is
incredible," witnesses say.
Ex-FEMA
director Michael Brown said he feels like Elmer Fudd. "The 'waskily
wepulicans' are trying to make me the fall guy again. I don't even work at FEMA anymore!
But that won't stop them!" he yelled.
Meanwhile, the inevitable thaw
proceeds.
Dear Danny:
The thaw may proceed, but it's not here yet!
Please Post
Me Naked
Click the Picture
"OMG! I can't believe I stood under a tree full of snow!"
Click the Picture
... That'll make the old nipples hard, now won't it...
LOL ...
One day, President Bush was looking for a call girl.
He found three high class hookers in a local lounge; a blonde, a brunette, and a
redhead.
To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the
United States. How much would it cost me to spend some time
with you?"
"$200.00."
To the brunette he asked the same question.
"$100.00"
He then asked the redhead:
"Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as
my taxes,
my panties as low as my wages,
get that thing of yours as hard as the times,
and keep it rising like the gas prices,
keep me warmer than it is in my apartment
and screw me the way you do the public;
then believe me Mr. President it isn't going to cost you a damn
cent.
Meanwhile back in Washington:
It seems the Congressional Black Caucus has found something else to be offended about.
A black Congresswoman (this would be
Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston) reportedly complained that the names of
Hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.
She would prefer some names that
reflect African American culture, such as Chamiqua, Woeisha, and Jamal.
... Yeah, I can hear it now: A black weatherman
in Houston saying...
"Wordup, Muthafuckas! Herr-I-cane Chamiqua be
headin' fo' Galveston like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Da bitch be a
Category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' Chirren, leave
yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA Office fo' yo free shit!
Lyles Corner!
Remember;
Life is tough; and it's a LOT tougher if you're stupid.
So, Buffie and I were out looking for
a restaurant the other night.
Then I read a sign:
Happy Hour Special: "Lobster
Tail & Beer."
"Ah Buff! My 3 favorite things!
We've arrived!"
Dear Danny:
So, my husband brought you home for dinner and you had
the nerve to ask me to take my clothes off?!
Please Post Me Naked
Click the Picture
"So there! I'm naked; happy?!"
Click the Picture
-- Yeah I am; big feet and all!! LOL --
Hilary Clinton was invited to
address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in
upper New York State.
She spoke for almost an hour on
all her
future plans making the Indians lives better; if she becomes the first female President. She
pointed to her record as a Senator, about how she had signed “yes”
for every Indian issue that came to her desk.
Although she was vague on the
details of her plan, she seemed very enthusiastic about her future ideas
for helping her “red sisters and brothers.”
At the end of her speech, the
Tribes gave her a plaque inscribed with her new Indian
name; Walking Eagle.
The proud Hillary then left in her
motorcade waving to the crowds.
A news reporter asked the group of
chiefs how they selected the new name given to the Senator.
"Easy, Walking Eagle is the name given
to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly."
From the Tombstone of Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
The Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
The Devil sent him Anna.
In other Government News Today
After 2 years and over 100 milling dollars later:
It was announced today that FEMA, along with the Army Corp of Engineers,
have finally set up an accurate tsunami warning system:
Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 2006 return showing
that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from
USA Today; wherein you will see that the Pentagon pays $171.50 for
hammers and NASA buys $600.00 toilet seats.
I am enclosing
four toilet seats
(value $2400.)
and six hammers
(value $1029.)
bringing my total to $3429.00.
Please apply
the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund" as noted
on my return. You can do this by sending them one 1.5" Phillips
Head Screw.
(the article from USA
Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5"Phillips Head Screws is
enclosed for your convenience)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax
bill this year and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
Dan Daily
Lafayette, Colorado:
Just hours after
laughing about Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting mishap, Josh Kayser
was himself shot by a friend during a hunting expedition.
The 21-year-old Lafayette man was
taken to the hospital Monday night after his girlfriend accidentally
shot him while they were trailing a raccoon that had been preying on
his chickens.
"I read that thing about the vice
president and said to myself 'how can you shoot your friend with your
gun?' And look what happened?"
The government today announced that it is changing its
emblem from an Eagle to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the
government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production,
destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you
a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Dear Danny:
The Government's not the only one who wants to screw you.
Please Post
Me Naked
Click the Picture
... You dirty girl! How did I let that get in there!? Shame on me...
Bad Danny!!
The
Bad, The Ugly, and the Just Plain Stupid!
Brawkkk, Polly wants to kick
some Ass!!
"Sunshine," a Pennsylvania man's pet
macaw took a dislike to a "Just Plain Stupid" burglar breaking into its owner's apartment.
The macaw is an exotic bird with gold
and blue feathers that looks like a big parrot.
Sunshine not only drew blood, but left
such a bad wound that the
man confessed to the bird-brained theft.
Police arrested Michael L. Deeter
for burglary, and other offenses committed while entering James Erb's
apartment.
In a
bumbling
act not seen since Watergate; Deeter's confession included an
explanation of how he broke the glass on the back door, entered the
apartment and tried to pet Sunshine, who bit down on his hand.
The bird-plagued burglar ran around
trying to shake Sunshine off, but the macaw had latched on
and wasn't about to let go.
Nearby witnesses heard "slamming" and
Sunshine screeching. One saw broken glass on the porch floor and
called the cops.
Winter's Finally Here
Your Government in Action
The Danny's Daily's Blonde Joke of the Day!
Jimmy Carter and Al Sharpton were doing some
carpentry work at a Habitat for Humanity photo op.
Sharpton, who was
nailing down siding, would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail
and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
Carter, figuring this was worth
looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Sharpton explained, "When I pull a nail
out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I
throw them away."
Carter got really pissed and
yelled, "You stupid moron! The nails aren't defective!
They're for the other side of the house!"
The
Dumb, The Dumber, and the Just Plain Clueless!
Two weeks ago,
a brand new young Boston attorney,
(and future
politician?)
Dianna Abdala, e-mailed a prospective employer William Korman.
"After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the pay
you are offering would neither fulfill me, nor support the lifestyle I am
living in light of the work I would be doing for you. I have
decided instead to work for myself, and reap 100% of the benefits that I
sow.
Thank
you for the interviews."
Korman was not a happy
camper!
"You had two interviews, were offered
and accepted the job complete with a starting date. This smacks of immaturity and is quite
unprofessional. Indeed, I did rely upon your acceptance by
ordering stationary and business cards with your name on them. I reformatted a
computer and set up both internal and external e-mail accounts for you here
at the office. While I don't quarrel with your reasoning, I am
extremely disappointed in the way this played out. I sincerely
wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors."
Abdala, a bitch who
Hillary would just love; always
has to have the last word;
"A real lawyer would have put the contract
in writing and not exercised any such reliance until he did so."
Korman replied,
"Thank you,
thank you for the refresher
course on contracts. But this is not a bar exam question. You
need to realize that this is a very small legal community, especially
the criminal defense bar. Do you really want to start pissing off
more experienced lawyers at this early stage of your career?"
Abdala answered,
"Bla bla bla."
Now really pissed
off, Korman forwarded copies of Abdala's emails to colleagues.
One thing led to another and it hit the national news outlets.
... Good luck finding any help now bitch!.. LOL
What's the difference between a
hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks. At a High School reunion, you
see past fu... Well you know the rest...
Underwear on a clothesline is a great flag of freedom.
Think of it; someone has escaped their Underwear and may be naked
somewhere.
Dear Danny: Please Post
Me Naked
Click the Picture
... Somehow I don't think your underwear is on the
line...
The
Danny's Daily's "Priceless Moments" of the Day!
Fifteen days ago, the Government said smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, the Government said too much red meat can
kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, the Government said drinking can kill you.
The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, the Government said having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped listening to the government...
("the reason I've asked you here is to discuss
little Jason's
constant playing with himself.")
The
Danny's Daily's "Signs" of the Day!
You MUST Use The
"BACK" Button to Return Here!!!!
To Return
to The Music Player
Jailbait or Legal; Quiz
Strange Coffins
The Catch 33 Game
(64 was the best I could
do)
From the Dan Daily Servers;
The Danny's Daily's Videos of
the Day!
Can You Pick the Butterball?
For Members Only!
The Hot Gym!
Ponderings from the "Sensitive
Man"
Rejected Titles for "Brokeback Mountain"
Jeremiah's Johnson
Butch Assidy and the Bundance Kid
How The West Was Hung
The Wild Brunch
He Wore a Yellow Ribbon
Doc's Holiday With Billy The Kid
Very Raw Hide
Bareback Mounting
Oklahomo
Little Bathhouse on the Prairie
Tubesteak Cowboys
Dear Danny:
You might have snow and cold, but I don't! LOL
Please Post
Me Naked
Click the Picture
... Tell me about it! I wish I was there
with you! ...
I tell ya, I don't get no respect;
I was gone on business for a few days and Buffie
told me that my dog Duke, really missed me. "He spends the night
at the front door, crying, waiting for you to come home," she said.
"What an example of true love," I replied. "I
wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"
"Danny, if you were gone overnight
and I didn't know where you were, you can be damn well sure I'd be waiting for you
at the front door!"
No
respect at all...
Click the Picture
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