|
Danny's
Daily's
Note to free Site Visitors:
Some of the Pictures will blow up when clicked on.
They are all marked. Just click the picture to blow it up, and
click the picture again to send it back.
You need Java installed. If the picture goes to a
different browser window, you don't have it.
Click Here
This is the Members
Danny's Daily's Cruise Issue. It's a typical Members
Issue. Join to access to all of them
Instant Access
You're going to really like my blow up display
technologies gang!
Danny's Daily's:
The Cruise Issue!
Click on the Picture
This is our ship the ms Westerdam; the pride of the
Holland America fleet. At 950 feet long, this ship is just huge!
It took three pictures to get her all. Thanks Lyle for putting the
pieces together for me.
Click on the Picture
This is Cuba
You're from Upstate New York when:
Vacation means going south past
Syracuse for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know people who've hit
deer more than once.
You switch from heat to A/C
in the same day and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of
snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
You installed security lights on your
house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car
and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween
costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Gotta Love Florida!
-- I can't believe I had to come back to snow! Oh
the agony! --
Driving is better in the winter
because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost
winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
Your neighbor throws a party to
celebrate his new shed.
You go out for a fish fry every
Friday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved
indoors due to frost.
You have more miles on your snow
blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees a little chilly.
Dear Danny:
With my compliments,
Please Post Me Naked
Click on the Picture
... With my compliments, I Will! LOL
"So, how'd you do?" the boss asked his new traveling
salesman after his first day on the road.
"All I got were two orders."
"What were they? Anything good?"
"Nope, they were 'Get
out!' and 'Stay out!'"
Our
Trip Involved
Flying:
The Laws of Aviation
The only time you have too much fuel
is when you're on fire.
Blue water Navy truism: There
are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
When one engine fails on a twin-engine
airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of
the crash.
What's the bitch about air
traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot
dies; If ATC screws up ... the pilot dies.
The three most common expressions (or
famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?" "Where
are we?" and "Oh Shit!"
Weather forecasts are horoscopes with
numbers.
A smooth landing is mostly luck; two
in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
Mankind has a perfect record in
aviation; we never left anyone up there!
When a flight is proceeding incredibly
well, something was forgotten.
Just remember, if you crash because of
weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be
recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and
interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
Click on the Picture
The Cayman Islands: There were 8 ships here at
the time. Figure around 400 million a pop, and there was more
money in the bay then what the entire island is worth.
Mary: "My brother-in-law took my sister to
Hawaii for their wedding anniversary."
Jill: "That's nice!"
"Isn't it? The best I've ever done is get some
roses!"
"Well, my first husband told me on our first
anniversary that I could have anything I wanted."
"Really? What did you want?"
"A divorce."
Weren't you not 40 a few minutes ago??
In one of the shops, Morris was standing in the lingerie
section staring at the
collection of Wonder Bras.
The clerk noticed he had been there for while, so
she walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance.
Morris, somewhat confused answered, "Well... if it's a
Wonder Bra; am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want
her to be?"
Dear Dairy:
I'm on my cruise, and some nut case man with a NY Yankees hat asked me
to get naked!
Please Post Me Naked
Click on the Picture
... I may be a nut case, but you took your
clothes off! LOL ...
Grandma is reading a children's animal book to little
Bubba.
"This is a pig. What sound does a piggy make?"
she asked.
"Oink! Oink!" said little Bubba.
"This is a cow, and what sound does a cow make?" asks
Grandma.
"Moo! Moo!" said little Bubba.
"Very good. Now, this is a ducky and what sound
does a ducky make?" she asked.
"AFLAC! AFLAC!"
My room steward was a riot. Every night, he
would turn the bed down and make an animal out of the towels.
Notice the mints? Nice touch.
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a
pit bull? Lipstick.
Why do women have boobs? So men will talk to
them.
What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
You come in one and go in the other.
Dear Danny:
I know you're on cruise, but up here in the Northern Plains, we just
recovered from an historic event. May I even say a "Weather Event"
of "Biblical Proportions." With an historic blizzard of up to 24"
inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded
hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed all the roads,
isolated scores of communities and cut power to tens of thousands.
George Bush did not come...
FEMA staged nothing...
No one howled for the government...
No one used foul language on TV...
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards...
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House...
No news anchors moved in.
We just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to
pluck people out of snow-engulfed cars, fired up wood stoves, broke out
coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps and put on an extra layer of clothes.
Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has
never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it
ourselves.
Everybody is fine. But to be fair, let it be
known that very few blacks live in this area.
Hope you're having a great time in the tropics!
Roger
Awesome Bike!
It has a V-8 engine! I saw it in Key West
Florida
The
Bad, The Ugly, and the Just Plain Stupid!
North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina:
Undercover cops noticed something conspicuously absent from a
tanning salon.
Yeah, tanning beds.
The only tanning bed on the property
of VIP Tann Spa was found in a wooden box on the porch, officer Jerry
Miller said.
The so-called tanning
salon was actually a very different kind of business: Three
employees and two customers were charged with prostitution and related
charges after the undercover bust last month.
The undercover officer found makeshift
beds and other evidence people were being paid for sex.
Investigators took business receipts,
credit card statements and cash before closing the salon.
The County
Council revoked the owner's business license.
... Oh, do ya think??.
("Hi Honey,,, catch anything?")
The
Danny's Daily's Blonde Joke of the Day!
... Key West...
Religious
Humor!
A Minister is leaving a prayer meeting;
his ride home passes a bar.
As he neared the bar, he
noticed a car slowly and jerkily edging toward the road. He
slowed down to make sure the drunk didn't drive in front of him.
Making it past the drunk and the
bar, he watched in the rear-view mirror as the drunk pulled on the
highway and weaved ditch to ditch. Growing fearful
for the poor person's life as the car sped up to just a few feet
behind him, and then dropped way back, the minister gasped a
prayer for the Almighty to shepherd them both safely to their
destinations.
But, the minister was so intently watching
the drunk, he completely missed a sharp curve in the
road, drove off the shoulder, down an embankment and rolled his car over.
As he groggily crawled out thru the
broken window, the drunk stumbled down the embankment and helped him to
his feet.
"Are you alright, mishter?"
"Certainly. Jesus always rides
with me."
"Then you'd better let him ride with
me the resht of the way, 'cause you're gonna kill him sure'n Hell!"
So this guy I met, asked me to get naked for a
picture. He told me he has this huge web site and would give me a
free membership. Yeah, right...
Please Post Me Naked
Click on the Picture
... Yeah, and right!..
Dear Danny:
After our friends said their wedding vows and walked out of the church,
they were disappointed to find their car was not decorated with the
usual Just Married signs and other assorted paraphernalia.
Disappointed wasn't the word to describe the priest
who had just married them.
He happened to have a car very similar
to the one belonging to the bride and groom.
Keep on Danny!
Karen
The
Danny's Daily's "Priceless Moments" of the Day!
OK Ladies! On the last night of the cruise,
they had a "Desert Extravaganza." Talk about gaining weight?
Click on the Picture
This is just one Quarter of it. This ran on both
sides of the pool. The sculptures are made of ice.
Click on the Picture
Or how about a "Book Cake"
Oh, and who could forget the Chocolate fountain to
dip your Strawberries in!
I won't tell you how many plates full I had...
LOL
The
Danny's Daily's "Signs" of the Day!
-- I told you I never stopped looking gang! LOL
--
So, You want me to stop staring at your boobs?
So There! End of discussion!
A lawyer woke up in a hospital bed after a complicated
operation, and found the curtains closed around him.
"Why are the curtains closed?" he asked. "Is it
night?" A nurse replied,
"No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn't
want you waking up and thinking that the operation wasn't a success."
Click on the Picture
Half Moon Cay, The Bahamas. This is a private
island owned by Holland America. What a beach, eh?
So, there I am nude sunbathing, and this man asked
me to stand up for a picture.
Dear Danny: Please Post Me Naked
Click on the Picture
Hey, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it!
LOL
I tell ya, I don't get no respect;
Knowing that photography was a passion of mine, a
friend asked if I'd take her wedding pictures aboard ship. I
agreed, but instantly became a nervous wreck. Would the photos be
in focus? Would she like the composition? Could I get a shot
of everyone?
Finally Buffie heard enough. "Stop worrying about it!"
she said. "If they'd wanted a real photographer they would have
gotten one."
No respect at all...
Click on the Picture
The ship on the right, was ours. |
