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The police precinct captain was
ordered to raid the local whore house, something which was an
embarrassment to him and his men. You see, they patronized it
themselves on occasion and were friendly with the madam.
In a tight spot, the captain called
them on the phone and found all the girls and the madam were off on
a picnic and the place was closed.
There was only the cleaning lady to
answer the phone.
"Listen," said the captain, "pass on
this message because it won't be safe to call again. Tell the
madam that tomorrow we've got to stage a surprise raid on the place.
When we come, however, we'll honk the horn, go round the block, honk the
horn, go round the block, honk the horn, then go round the block a third
time: Then we'll come running in. By that time, we want
everyone safely out of the place.
You understand?"
The cleaning lady said she did, but of
course she didn't and the madam never got the message.
The next day it was 'business as
usual' at the whore house.
The police, blissfully unaware of the
slip in their plan, arrived, honked, circled, honked, circled, honked,
circled, and then charged in. As they ran up the stairs with the
captain at the lead, they crashed head first into two naked girls who
were hurrying down the stairs with a mattress in between them.
The captain roared, "What the hell are
you two girls doing?"
"Don't blame us," cried one of the
girls indignantly. "Eliot Spitzer is outside honking for curb
service."
And now you know the "rest" of the
story...
The Perfect Woman
Dear Danny:
As you know, I work with your wife
Buffie and sometimes, being a blonde, she gets herself in a little deep.
You know, she says things that she really doesn't mean to say the way
she says it.
Anyway,
Lewis and Jimmy were standing around
talking sports. Lewis is a football freak, and Jimmy is a baseball
fanatic.
Even though you and Buff are die hard
Yankees fans, you don't hold a candle to these two guys. I swear,
they're so bad, if some professional ball player were to stop by the
office and whip out his cock, both of these guys would kiss it.
The other day Buff says to them; "So both of you
guys sit around watching sports all weekend?"
"I watch as many games as I can,"
drawled Jimmy. "I got me the Direct TV baseball package!"
"And I have the Direct TV football
package," said Lewis.
"Who needs Direct TV?" Buff said.
"I got Danny's package to keep me busy."
She innocently looked at me with
incredulous eyes when the entire office burst out laughing.
Cheers Danny, from the office:
Chet
Awesome Picture!
Click on the Picture
So, the other night I walked into our
local club and see Bill furiously downing shots of whiskey.
Bill doesn't drink like this EVER; so
I says, "Hey Bill?" in
shock, "What the hell are you doing? I've known you for over
fifteen years and I've never seen you drink shots before. What's
going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his
newly-filled shot glass, Bill replies, "My wife just ran off with my
best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one
gulp.
"But Bill," I says, "I thought I'm
your best friend!"
Bill turned and looked at me through
his bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not any more! He is!"
Lyles Corner!
I remember years ago when Buff and I
were having our first child. We were at our Lamaze class and were
given an activity requiring the men to wear a bag of sand. You
know, to give us an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.
I stood up, all strapped in and
shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."
The lady instructor then dropped a pen
and asked me to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if
I were pregnant, the way my Buffie would do it?" I asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
I turned to Buff and said, "Honey,
pick up that pen for me."
I got a standing ovation from the
men...
Awesome Picture!
The Love of a Mom and her Daughter
Click on the Picture
-- Thanks Dave! --
Three gay men died and were going to
be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the
funeral home at the same time and were discussing what they planned to
do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Benny loved to
fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Carl was a
good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes on our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jim was such a
good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he
can tear my ass up just one more time."
-- Oh shut up! I thought it was funny! LOL
--
Later, in Kewl Links, you'll see a preacher that
doesn't like Obama.
I don't know if you know what you get if he becomes
president.
Maybe the best way to explain this is to not tell you,
but to show you:
So, what's worse? That, or;
A Danny's Daily's Classic!
A young dude goes into the Job Center
in Jacksonville, Florida, looking for a job. There, he sees a card
advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested he goes to
learn more: "Can you give me some more details about this?" he
asks the guy Behind the desk.
The Job Center man sorts through his
files and replies; "Oh yes here it is: The job entails you
getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their
underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.
You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair;
then you rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the
gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $45,000,
but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's
about 620 Miles from here."
"Oh why, is that where the job is at?"
"No sir; that's where the end of the
line is!"
Old Geezer Eye Test!
-- Actually, it's really Cruel and Unusual Punishment!
--
Seeing a picture of his wife in the
nude hanging at the art show, the husband demanded of her: "Did
you really pose for that?"
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied. "Of course not. He painted it
from memory."
So, I stopped at my mechanics shop to pick up my
truck.
Mark is third generation auto mechanic and has the
family business.
I don't know if you know any such businesses, but the
whole family is usually a part of it.
So, he was short handed and I walked in to find his
sister working on a Jeep.
See the blow up on the Members Issue
Naturally, I went around for a better look...
See the Blow up on the Members Issue
Priceless!
Winnipeg, Canada:
Teenage girls in Canada who attended a
"Women in Art" course at the University of Winnipeg were treated with
lessons on how to masturbate with vegetables instead.
John Carlyle, who runs the River East
division where the girls studied, stressed that the videos shown to the
girls contained no nudity, but the "actresses" demonstrated how bananas,
cucumbers, carrots, and more could sexually pleasure them.
As any of my readers might expect:
Phone calls from parents were just deafening.
The University's president, Constance
Rooke, agreed the material was inappropriate for the 15-year-old
students and said it would not happen again.
-- So, I wonder who got fired? NOT --
The
Bad, The Ugly, and the Just Plain Stupid!
"Just Plain Stupids" and snow don't mix.
From Santa Fe, New Mexico:
Where they had eight inches of snow
last week, comes the story of "Just Plain Stupid" Mark Marretta.
Mark decided to steal a laptop from a government building.
It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to
crack the case, however.
The cops simply followed the
footprints in the snow, which led them to our hero standing outside his
truck, brushing the snow off.
Busted!
Religious Humor!
Dear
Danny: The church I serve has a summer ministry at a
chapel. At our first service last summer, the chairman of the
board of deacons met me at the door and told me there were no offering
plates to be found.
None of the men wore hats, and he thought
it undignified to pass a shoe.
He tried to borrow something suitable
from a house nearby, but no one was home.
When I went to the chancel to begin
the service, the problem was still unsolved.
Time came for the offering, and two
ushers walked down the aisle wearing broad grins and carrying shiny
receptacles.
The deacon had borrowed two hubcaps from
a parishioner's car.
We Love You Danny!
Mark
The
Danny's Daily's "Priceless Moment" of the Day!
Dear
Danny: Because my mother has a habit of losing her
cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it, so she could
attach it directly to her belt.
A few days later, I walked into my
mother's house and found her standing in the middle of the living room,
halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact
that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into
them.
"Don't look at me that way," she
yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how
to undo this stupid clip!"
Oh yeah Danny, she's a blonde.
LOL Marcie
The Last Laugh!
See the Blow up on the Members Issue
Read the bottom line on the stone. A lady after
my own heart. God bless her!
See the Blow up on the Members Issue
Ponderings from the "Sensitive
Man"
Clues You Need to go on a Diet
If you answer "yes" to eight or more of these
questions, you may want to consider restricting your future calorie
intake:
Has your neighborhood grocery store
ever offered to send for you with a limo?
After ordering lunch at a fast-food
drive-through window, has it ever
been delivered to your car on a hand truck?
Within the last month, have you burned
out more than two refrigerator light bulbs?
Do people often decide to follow you
up on the next elevator?
Has your fork ever suddenly come up
missing?
Have you ever broken out in a cold
sweat when you realized you were
more than a mile from the nearest Taco Bell?
Is there a restraining order against
you from the Association of
All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants?
On a recent Caribbean cruise, did the
captain order you to stay in
the center of the ship?
Do your picnics in the country involve
renting a U-Haul?
Does the left side of your car seem to
bottom out a lot?
Does your street always seem to have
more potholes than other
streets?
The
Danny's Daily's "Sign" of the Day!
You MUST Use The
"BACK" Button to Return Here!!!!
To Return
to The Music Player
Not every Preacher
likes Obama
How many People in the Country have
Your Name?
Celebrities without Makeup (this should
make you ladies feel a lot better)
Happy
Easter!
Independence Day Quiz (I
got 24)
The
Dan Daily Easter Page!
(The other side of Dan Daily. Have plenty of
Kleenex, you may have to refresh
to get all the animations working)
Free
Dan Daily Games!
Members Dan Daily Games!
The Dan Daily
Mall!
From the Dan Daily
Servers:
The Danny's Daily's Videos of
the Day!
Why I didn't Make the Olympics
Why I was Never Late for School
Can You Hear Me Now?
For Paid Members Only!
How they Did That?!
(sorry free folks, much too large a file for the
free sites)
Titties and Beer!
Dear Danny:
We were out hiking on a beautiful day. It was so
nice in the forest, my very prudish wife took all her clothes off and
decided to hike in the buff. She loved the warm breeze on her
body. Finally, she looked at me with mischievous eyes and said:
It's time for a picture for Danny!" I hope you like it.
Please Post Her Naked
Click on the Picture
-- Wow, your wife is very beautiful! Thanks very
much. And free folks? There's Six More just like this on the
Members Issue. Join today!
Click Here! --
Dear Danny:
My Red Neck husband refused to learn how to operate a PC.
I tried to get him to realize how important it is,
since all our financial records are stored on disks.
"What if something happens to me?" I asked him.
"You wouldn't know what our assets are."
"Well honey," he replied, "if something happened to
you, I wouldn't need any money."
Red Neck Mansion!
Click on the Picture
I tell ya, I don't get no respect:
I'm really getting sick of the ribbing I'm getting
from our guys about me starting to bald.
The balding is not that bad, but they don't let up.
The other morning at the office, a young piss pot had
the gall to run his hand across my head saying: "This feels just like my
wife's ass."
What could I say? I said, "You're right, it
does..."
No respect at all...
See the blow up on the Members Issue
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