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OK, ok... Buffie's been all over me because she
wants to have the first say. Since she's a woman, I can't argue
with her.
Alright Buff, go for it...
Thanks Danny! Ok, here it goes:
After three weeks in the Garden of
Eden, God came to visit Eve:
"So,
how is everything going Eve?" asked God.
"Oh,
it's all so beautiful, the sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the
smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one
problem.
"Problem? What problem?..."
"It's these boobs you gave me.
The middle one pushes the other two out and I'm constantly knocking them
with my arms, catching them on branches, and snagging them on the
bushes. They're a real pain. I just don't understand it,
every other part of my body is in pairs, such as my limbs, eyes, ears,
etc... I think that having only two boobs might leave my body a
little more symmetrically balanced."
"That's a fair point," replied God,
"Understand, it was my first shot at this. I gave the animals six
breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that
you're right. I'll fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the
middle boob and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks later and God once
again visited Eve. "Well Eve, how is my favorite creation??
''Just fantastic, except one thing."
"One thing?"
Yes,
all the animals are paired off. The
ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a
mate except me. I feel so all alone."
God thought for a moment and said,
"you know Eve, you're right; how could I have overlooked this? You
do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you."
Now let's see... where did I put
that useless BOOB?"
Now ladies, doesn't THAT make more
sense than the rib version?
-- Alright Buffie, Ha, ha, ha,, Laugh it up Funny
Girl!!! --
The bottom line: It Takes Two!
See the blow up on the Members Page
Truths Black and Hispanic people know, but White
people won't admit.
Elvis is dead.
Rap music is here to stay.
Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
Skinny does not equal sexy.
Thomas Jefferson had black children.
A 5 year old is too big for a
stroller.
N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the
Jackson 5.
An occasional BUTT whooping helps a
child stay in line.
Having your children curse you out in
public is not normal.
Lyles Corner!
Click the Picture
Truths White and Black People know, but Hispanic
people won't admit.
Hickeys are not attractive.
Chicken is food, not a pet or a
roommate.
Jesus is not a name for your son.
Your country flag is not a car
decoration.
Maria is a name, but not for every
daughter.
10 people to a car is considered too
many.
'Jump out and run' is not in any
insurance policies.
Mami & Papi can't possibly be the
nickname of every person in your family.
Letting your children run wildly
through the store is not normal.
Awesome Picture!
(actually, this is what I use for my Windows Wallpaper)
Click on the Picture
Truths White and Hispanic people know but Black people
won't admit.
O.J. did it.
Tupac is dead.
Teeth should not be decorated.
Weddings should start on time.
Nose piercings are really gross.
Jesse Jackson will never be President.
Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a
color.
Church does not require expensive
clothes.
Your rims and sound system should not
be worth more than your car.
Click on the Picture
Don't forget the last line! LOL
One of the things Buffie and I share,
is our love for cemeteries.
We rarely can drive by an old one
without stopping.
Once on vacation in the south, we went
by a small town and on the outskirts was their cemetery. It was
really sharp so we stopped.
In the middle, was an older lady who
told us they had just spruced up the churchyard cemetery after years of
neglect. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are
all together now."
"All together?" I asked, puzzled.
"Well yes, years ago they never much
worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor
anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance
things. But they've redone it so people are with their children
and grandchildren, instead of scattered."
"What? You mean they exhumed all
those people and re-buried them?" I aks.
"Oh my, no, we just shifted the
headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
-- Sometimes truth is stranger then
fiction... --
Talk about the dead?
But never fear, the Clintons are certainly a force to
reckon with.
Why, I heard Hillary's pulling out all the stops and
is getting celebrity endorsements.
And, she has new bumper stickers!
Dear
Danny: If my body were a car, this is the time I would
be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps
and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a
little dull.
But
that's not the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be
considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now
they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open
at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave
up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood!
Air bags? Forget it! The
only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting
saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my
odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but
when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against
depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and
it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as
graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into
things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with
varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But, here's the worst of it.
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or
sputter; either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
Keep it squeezy Danny!
Margo
So, it was time for my physical and in
I went.
By the way, my Doctor is really a
sweet babe!
Then she tells me, "I'm going to check
your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from
what you're probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side,
bend your knees, and while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and
say 99."
So, I do what she aks and
says, '99!"
"Great! Now
turn over onto your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take
a deep breath and say 99."
Again, I says '99."
She
says, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with
your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other hand, I'm going to hold on to your penis.
Now, take a deep breath and say, 99".
So I said,
"One ... Two ... Three ..."
Bad Danny!!!
There was a crooked man who built a crooked house!
How many screws are in a lesbian's bed?
None. It's all tongue and groove.
Life is like a penis: When it's soft, you can't beat it, and when
it's hard, you get screwed!
What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends...
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
I Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
The
Bad, The Ugly, and the Just Plain Stupid!
Orlando, Florida:
Where an unidentified "Just Plain Stupid" from Columbia, perhaps
misunderstood what "Laundering" means in the drug world.
"Stupid" showed up at the Orlando
International Airport wearing a very heavily starched shirt and equally
starched jeans. The jeans were so stiff he had trouble walking.
And, when he did walk, there was a strong smell of vinegar in the air
and a trail of white powder fell from his clothes.
The clothes had been "starched" with
heroin.
He's now wearing unstarched prison
black and whites.
The
Danny's Daily's Blonde Joke of the Day!
On a recent flight, I was traveling to
New York on business, and a blonde lady heading back home to Boston was
sitting next to me. Besides telling me all about the Boston Red
Sox, (thank god I didn't have my Yankees hat on) she kept looking out my window.
Since it was totally dark, all that
showed was the blinking wing-tip light. I didn't understand...
Finally, she rang for the flight
attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said,
"but I think you should tell the pilot that his left turn signal is on
and has been on for quite some time."
So, we get to the airport and I meet all her friends.
Which are, by the way, ALL Red Sox fans. But you do have to hand
it them:
They do have spirit. LOL
Our Media in Action!
Number 1:
A biker is riding by the zoo
when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly,
the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her
inside to eat her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike,
runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful
punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the
lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her
terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter saw the whole scene,
and addressing the biker, said: "Sir, this was the most gallant and
brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really,
the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and
acted as I felt right."
"Well, I'll make sure this won't
go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's papers will have
this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?"
"A Harley Davidson."
The journalist leaves. The
next morning, the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news
of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS
AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
Number 2
George Bush was recently on a
boat with the Pope during a press conference. As they looked out
over the deck, the Pope's traditionally white cap was blown off and
landed some distance away on the water.
The President said, "No
problem," and promptly hopped over the rail, walked across the surface
of the water and retrieved the hat for the Pontiff. The crowed was
amazed.
The next morning, splashed
across the front page of the the New York Times was the headline:
BUSH CAN'T SWIM.
The
Danny's Daily's "Priceless Moment" of the Day!
Dear
Danny: As you know, I've been one of your readers for
many years. And yes, the Danny's
Daily's way of life has affected me. I didn't really
realize how much until I had a group violin class.
There were about twenty of us and my violin teacher was
trying to impress us by showing off her
very expensive violin. "This violin was made in the early 1800s in
Vienna." She said.
"Oh, I see," I blurted out,
"So you got it used?"
Keep on Rock'n Danny!
Janie
New Fashion!
And I like it! LOL
A job applicant was interviewing and
the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?"
The prospective employee said, "Sir, I
am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?"
"Of course, yes. I expect
nothing but honesty from my staff."
"Sir, my greatest strength is my
wife."
The interviewer was quite impressed
and decided he could be a great member of his team, corporate community,
and he deserved the job.
So with an intention of offering him
the job, he tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what
is your greatest weakness?"
The guy felt encouraged, and went on,
"Sir, my greatest weakness is someone else's wife."
The
Danny's Daily's "Sign" of the Day!
Click on the Picture
You MUST Use The
"BACK" Button to Return Here!!!!
To Return
to The Music Player
Gilly Hicks; the New Lingerie from
Abacrombi and Fitch (nudity, and very
tasteful) Speaking of
nudity, as you all know, I'm a nudist. Have you ever wondered how
that squares with the Bible?
Nudity
and the Bible
Wacky Kitchen Gadgets (I love the
brownie pan)
Top News Bloopers
The Danny's Daily's Videos of
the Day!
Sir Edmund Hillary
(lol)
Cramped for Space?
Weddings
For Paid Members Only!
The
Danny's Daily's Tribute to Boobs!
Naked Trapeze
Free
Dan Daily Games!
Members Dan Daily Games!
The Dan Daily
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